Thursday, December 13, 2012

Not For A Million Dollars: 11 Dog Breeds I Could Never Own

Working for the past three and a half years in a dog daycare will open your eyes to a lot of things. For me it has opened my eyes to the depth of human stupidity, and also to several dog breeds that you could not PAY me to own.

Of course, this is a very subjective subject. My findings are mainly based on the dogs i have come in contact with; many of whom are problem dogs at home who are brought to daycare because it is cheaper than hiring a trainer. Also, many breeds are owned by people who should NOT own a certain breed either because they are too busy/lazy to give the dog what it needs or by just being totally oblivious (see note above about witnessing the depth of human stupidity).

If your breed of choice is on this list and is perfectly well behaved and amazing, that's awesome. I would love to meet him/her.  Truly I know that some of my issues with the dogs below come from ownership issues and not from the breed itself (and in that case i applaud you for being an above average owner).

...but you still couldn't pay me to own one.

So please, do not take the following as a stab in the heart if your breed is listed, ok? :)

Number 1: American Bull Dogs
These dogs are my number 1 pet peeves at work.  99% of them we have severe problems with, mostly because their owners are oblivious to their dog's social problems.

Number 2: Mastiffs (any variety)
Mostly because they are bigger than anything I would ever want to own... and I think they are uuuuugly.

Number 3: Old English Bulldogs
Walking health catastrophes...  I think the thing that pisses me off the most about the breed is how oblivious breeders and owners are to their problems. It's sad.  Also, their facial structures lead to many a dog fight because they can't show normal canine emotions.

Number 4: Boxers
 Lack of self control and inability to play nicely puts this dog on my list.  The fact that my neighbors own a boxer and he is a royal PITA doesn't help their case.  Years ago previous neighbors had a boxer and I loved her... not anymore. Ruined by doggy daycare for me.

Number 5: St. Bernards
Too big and waaay too much drool.

Number 6: Rottweilers
Another dog that was ruined for me.  Another neighbor had a rottie who practically purred she was so sweet. Now I strongly dislike them.

Number 7: Beagles
Cute until they open their mouths, and then I want to rip out their vocal chords.

Number 8: Huskies
My roommate in college had a husky.  Hate them. They are mean, and they almost always bite when you try to touch them or move them, and god forbid you try to take them by the collar.   Lots of dog fights involve huskies at work.

Number 9: German Shepherd Dogs
This one makes me a little sad to include as I love the herding breeds.  With one exception, every single GSD I have met at work has severe mental disorders or anxieties.  This breed is a mental nightmare, and don't get me started on structure... Not to mention they like to run up behind other dogs, grab them by the neck, and drag them to the ground while running full speed.  Drives me NUTS.

Number 10: Doodles (any poodle mix "designer breed")
For being the product of a breeding of an incredibly smart dog (poodles) I am so surprised by how DUMB these dogs are.

Number 11: Golden Retrievers

Another breed that is supposed to be intelligent   I strongly believe that the brains have been completely bred out of this dog.  I need a dog with a brain.

Runner up:  Labrador Retrievers.
Another dog that has suffered from having the brains bred out.  I think I could own a lab, because I know that I would be able to turn his/her mushy brain into something worthwhile and Trophy is half lab... but they are LOW LOW LOW LOW on my list.

Ok... so what dog could you never own?

(Follow up, dogs I must own before I die coming soon!)


  1. My first comment is that the dog daycare you work out needs a better screening process about whether dogs have the social skills to even be in daycare in the first place...

    Well, lets see. I'll admit that no breed would be totally completely out of the question if the individual dog displayed the traits that I like. But, these are the breeds I have no desire whatsoever to own.

    Chow chow. Sharpei. Akita. All for the same reason, being that they are so one-person oriented that they don't appeal at all to me. Additionally, they often show signs of stranger aggression because of it, and I like being able to go out in public with dogs that I own.

    No interest in every owning a lab, a golden retriever, any kind of spaniel, doodles, pretty much any long coated breed with the exception of the Tibetan terrier.

    1. How did I forget Akitas? They also deserve to be on this list.. I may have to amend that!

      Actually the system we have to screen the dogs is a good one, the problem is that once we have passed a dog, even if it is on a "trial" basis (as in we're not quite warm and fuzzy with the dog, but he's not shown us reason to dismiss him, and we have told the owner that we're not sure if he's going to pass, but we're going to let him come until we get a better feel on how he is adapting) once we start having problems with that dog in daycare my bosses are very hesitant to go to that owner and tell them their dog can't come anymore... There's a major flaw in the system that I've been trying to change for 2 years, but i'm up against a brick wall sometimes.

    2. If you need help getting the point across, I can see if I can find the news articles about a local to me dog daycare where one dog was literally torn to pieces by the rest of the pack of dogs at a daycare. Because sometimes, one dog starting a fight is all it takes for all the borderline dogs (or even previously completely friendly dogs) to get into a "feeding frenzy" kind of thing and cause some serious harm.